Is That a Mormon at The Door?

INT/EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - DAY

A doorbell rings and a sweet old granny gets up from her couch and answers the door. There are two young men with name-tags at her door and she is immediately aggressive towards them.

GRANNY

No! Not again! Go away! I’ve had it up to here with you lot. I do not want to change my electricity company. I do not want free power boards. I don’t want anything from you people!

MAN # 1

(over)

We’re not from the electricity company.

GRANNY

What?

MAN # 2

We’re not from the electricity company.

MAN # 2 (CONT’D)

No, we’re Mormons. We’d like to talk to you about Jesus Christ.

Granny stares at them, re-adjusting her attitude - calming.

GRANNY

Oh. Oh, that’s fine then. 

She opens her security door.

GRANNY (CONT’D)

I’m sorry, I thought you were from one of those awful pushy electric companies. Please, come in.

She ushers them in. The enter in a very polite manner and when she points them to the couch they sit and wait for her to sit and get comfortable. Then...

MAN # 1

Before we start, can we ask what discount you’re getting on your electricity bill?

If Everyone Behaved Like A Politician

A journalist holds a microphone to interview a policeman.

JOURNALIST

Sergeant Morris, what do you have to say about the recent incident where you shot and killed the suspect?

SGT MORRIS

Let me be absolutely clear, I don’t want to be misinterpreted in any way. Yes, I killed the suspect, but, the previous Sergeant of this precinct killed two suspects. So that’s a 50% improvement since I took over.

JOURNALIST

Sorry?

                                                       SGT MORRIS

Since I took over, the killing of suspects has been reduced by half, and that's not just my people saying that, that's based on official statistics.

                                                       JOURNALIST

But you ended a suspect's life.

SGT MORRIS

But not two. I mean, one - gun went off, whoops, that's not great, but two - reckless and inexcusable. 

One Day On The Bus.

INT. BUS - DAY

A bus stops. Scattered passengers are seated.

Rachel gets on, talking loudly into her mobile phone. She feigns touching on with her non-existent card and then walks to the centre of the bus as she talks in a loud voice.

RACHEL

(on phone)

Stacey was screwing him at his place and Tracey walks in on them. 

(listens)

Yeah, in her bed! Such a cat fight started and Sean just sits there like he’s watching some TV show. Anyway, Tracey’s so angry she waited about a week and went down the school. You know how they both went blonde, so they look about the same, she asks for Stacey’s kid and the school gives him to her thinking she’s Stacey. The kid never realised it wasn’t her because Tracey's on the phone the whole time ignoring him, same as Stacey does. 

(listens)

I’ll tell ya what happened if you stop interrupting me. She takes him to the tattoo parlour, doesn't she, and she gets this huge Coldplay tattoo on the kid's chest. He’s only eight years old. 

(listens)

I know! Stacey hates Coldplay. You can't head bang to any of their stuff. When Stacey seen it she took her kid to the cops as exhibition number one and the cops arrested Tracey and charged her for it.

(listens)

Guess what the judge done to her when her trial comes up? 

(notices the bus stopping)

Ooh, this is my stop. 

She goes to exit through the open door. 

EVERY OTHER PASENGER

What did the judge do?

Rachel turns to look at them from the exit, short of getting off the bus.

RACHEL

You know how fuckin’ rude youse all are? That was a private conversation?

She exits in a huff. Doors close and the bus drives off. Rachel gives them the finger through the window as she walks the footpath, phone still to her ear.