Tuesday, 2 May 2017

Free Children's Book

I wrote and illustrated this for my Nephew, Charlie, who is five and a half.
If you have an early reader in your life, feel free to share this with them.
Read, discuss and enjoy.


The Rhyming Alphabet.

An A to Z of silly rhymes.

Aa  Bb  Cc  Dd  Ee  Ff

Gg  Hh  Ii  Jj  Kk  Ll

Mm  Nn  Oo  Pp

Qq  Rr  Ss Tt

Uu  Vv Ww 

Xx Yy


This incredibly silly set of rhymes is dedicated, with love, to Charlie Taylor, from his Uncle Scott – who wrote the rhymes and pleads guilty to all of the very bad illustrations.
18th May 2017


 An angry Ant allowed an Ape to open all his mail.
A late account,” the Ape announced and angry Ant exhaled.

Always angry Ant had been to class to calm his mood,
But let an Ape keep your accounts – you’re likely to be sued.


By a babbling brook, a Beaver blocked the flow with beams.
Before too long a bottleneck had joined up all the streams.

  Because he had a sailboat, Mr Beaver climbed aboard.
  Could he have swum? Of course, he could, but sailing he adored.


Cats are cute and cuddly clean; they lick themselves all day,
  Could they taste of cup-cakes, their coat a sweet entrΓ©e?

     Can a cat crave control and cease his licky-lick?
    Does the spittle on its fur help flees and flies to stick?


Darren was a Doberman, a dour and distant dog,
       Defeated by a Dingo in a race across a bog.

Darren didn’t let defeat deter his dashing dream,

Entering Olympics he won bronze on the high-beam.


Every event that Evan endured left him feeling blue,
Even experiences exciting him couldn’t end his flu.
Evan embraced his doctor’s advice to go and have a shot.
Fear gripped him as he walked on in, ‘cause the shot was in his bot.


Felix was a forest fox who foraged for a feast.
Ferreting out a ferret was fantastic fun to say the least.
Forgetting the farmer and foxhound would chase him for a hunt,
Getting away was a frivolous lark and a funny YouTube stunt.


 Georgie got a great big hole in her Granny’s garden gloves.
      Gaby cut the fingers off to grip the bike she loves.

Good guys give their garments away, granting them new again,
Have them stitched and mended up, or swap them now and then. 


Horace had a horrible hat his Nanna knit for him,
His first harsh howl on seeing it was, “Throw it in the bin”.
Having his Nanna on holiday, he knew would make her frown,
In order to spare her feelings, he burnt his whole house down.


Instead of a house, where there’s infinite snow, they invented an igloo of ice.
Inside, I imagine, they installed lots of fur, and insulation would be very nice.
Imagine if, with the snow all around, you lost your own front door.
Just like that, you’d be homeless again - an ice house would be quite a chore. 


Justin Jones jumped just enough to jerk his friend Jack’s jacket
Jack, from Japan, was not impressed and jagged Justin’s ear to whack it.
Jimmy jumped between the pair to plead for calm and justice,
Kapow they went, Justin and Jack, saying Jim’s a fool to trust us.


Karyn couldn’t understand how K and C were sounded,
Keep K hard, but C’s the same unless it’s soft and rounded.
K is for kite and kick and kilt, but C’s the same for Cupid.
Let’s all agree; it’s not that clear, in fact, it’s sometimes stupid.



Murtle the mosquito just loves the taste of blood.

Moonlit nights she makes the scene with her bizzy-bizz, buzz-buzz.

My what a nose, much like a hose, to milk blood from your vein.

Now here’s the trick - slap her – quick - and flick her down the drain.


Norton the Newt was nearly mute as he nosed around in nature,
Never afraid, nor a nervous trait, he was bold and brave in stature.
Night time would near, and he’d nest in his nook, the moonlight brightly beaming,
Others may think he’d be bored to the brink, but with Wi-Fi Norton’s been streaming.


Outrageous Otto the Orangutan opted to dye his hair blue.
Overcome with surprise, his parents cried, what on earth did you go and do?
Otto just smiled, as he stroked his blue hair, and combed some styling gel through.
Perhaps, he surmised, if I don’t blink my eyes, they won’t notice my brand new tattoo.


Plop, plink, plug, and some sounds like sludge, are words where the spelling is freer.
Particularly gross, P words are the most – can you say onomatopoeia?
Peculiar words that cannot be unheard, they sound like the thing they’re describing.

Quack from a duck, or Vroom from a truck, or A-choo when you’re perfectly hiding.


  Quiggly little Quoll had a boat with outboard motor,
  Quickly he would tear down river for a ride.
  Quiet wasn’t what he knew; he revved beyond his quota.
   Regretfully he now rides upon the tide.   


  Rueben Renshaw was a rat with rare good taste to spare.
  Renowned at retro galleries, he dressed with regal flare.

Refusing rates of any kind, he was a trust fund child,
 Some say that’s why he disappeared and why the fat cat smiled. 


 Sissy Snake succumbed through seasons to slither slow to see,
 Someone stole her glasses and snuck them up a tree.
 Suspects many said “No, no, I did not steal from snake,”
 Today she sees with flick of tongue and a wiggly little shake.


   Two tonne Tony tears the trees to tiny little pieces.
   Twenty men once tooled those trestles, until they lost their leases.
   Tony never takes a break or tours the staff canteen,
   Unless he needs some maintenance - for Tony’s a machine. 

 Under an Umbrella is unreal on rainy days,
 Unless you get unusually gusty wind.
 Uncontrollable is what becomes of umbrellas bent wrong ways,
 Very wet you’ll be until your brolly’s binned.


Virtual Virgil lived online in a world that was virtually real.
Vitally, Virgil didn’t know he was virtual; he thought his name full of appeal.
Viewing his world as totally real, Virgil asked questions the same,
When the power failed, and he disappeared, he discovered he lived in a game.


  Wesley was a Walker who walked the whole day through,
  Wanting an Olympic gold, he wore out each new shoe.
  When he wanted some new wares he’d walk a mile to buy,
  X-Ray goggles you would need, to see his quick feet fly.


X marks the spot for pirate Xav, which didn’t help him at all,
Xeriffs were buried, Xav didn’t know where, for the clues on his map were too small.
Xavier the Pirate was in a tight spot, until he decoded a sonnet,
Yippee,” he cried, as the words made more sense, revealing a spot with X on it. 


Yes is about the world’s very best word, it means you get your new thing;
Your treat; your ride; your present ticked, your tricked out mega bling.
Yet other words come that you’ll also hear, like no, not yet or never,
Zero chance is another, it means ten times no; no hope, I’m sorry - not ever.


Zak and Zara were both quite sad because their names came last,
Zeal for alphabetic lists they lost, as everyone zipped past.
Zebras also share this fate and Z words never trend,
Zo Zak and Zara started to cheat and make up Z words – Ze End.

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