This was originally written as song lyrics for my Brother's show, but he worried the audience may rise as one and hate it. He feared they may misconstrue it as a genuine Anti-Gay marriage protest song. I think it's pretty clear what's being said, but you be the judge. (His show played at Chapel on Chapel in Melbourne and then at the Edinburgh Festival to rave reviews btw. The show was called 'So Inappropriate' - so it would have been perfect!)
GAY MARRIAGE
The sanctity of marriage is the new topic de jour
Anyone can do it, doesn’t matter, rich or poor
It’s a sacred oath to God that shouldn’t be ignored
Unlike other oaths to God that make us kind of bored.
But don’t let those gay folk reach the altar
They wouldn’t know their fingers from their ring
They’d decorate the church in gaudy colours
And they’d all be booking Elton John to sing!
Marriage is a union, till death tears you apart,
Unless you’re young, you rushed a bit or needed a green card
The ring, the dress, the spot-lit vows, it’s all that we adore,
And I should know, the records show, I’ve done it twice before!
But don’t let those gay types reach the alter
It’s reserved for those who understand the vows
The church is not a toy, like a priest’s young altar boy,
Also - if you're a composer and feel like finally giving these lyrics a tune - Go for it! I'm sure there's a group who would love it in a revue somewhere.
Because I like to stir the pot - I thought I'd post some of my poems individually - especially the ones that will offend! I just can't help myself. If you're inclined you can read the whole volume of Outrageous Rhymes along with my other published work for free HERE.
GOD IS GAY
God’s older than time, that’s not just a line,
Even Gaydar would list him above 39.
He’s certainly single, no wife on the shingleNo fiancée, or girl, no regular twirl.
And a lot has been penned about God and his friends,
But never a line of a girlfriend spoken
In his house the male form goes unbroken
So he’s up their alone, in a home he calls heaven,
When did we stop caring about Quality? Because we don't care any more. There's an ad on TV that has Kmart rounding up a group of women and challenging them to guess the price of a number of items. Of course they're all shocked to find out the cushions/scarfs/shirts/sheets/pants cost so little.... and they laugh and celebrate at how wonderful life is in a world with a store that's a large shed and able to sell products for a price that is far less than the sum of any of their parts. God bless our modern world!
Of course the fact a multinational/multi million dollar profit making company is so comfortable to put an ad like this on TV is the real story here. And even worse is this real story is no longer even noticed. It doesn't shock anyone as cruel of the super chain stores to gloat at the bargains they can bring to our everyday lives. How well we've all been deceived by the rich about the world we live in and the quality of the lives we lead!
How does anyone offer a microwave for $45 or a pair of jeans for $10 and shoes for $5.
There are a number of possibilities - 1/ Slave labour. Third world sweat shops as producers. 2/ Electronic components being sourced from raw materials from third world countries, 3/ A buying power so enormous that individual units are incredibly cheap, or 4/ Make the products as cheaply as possible with little regard for longevity or ongoing quality.
Once you factor in the fact that corporations are now legally ruled to be people, a decision that still defies any sense of credibility, and they only answer to shareholders and shareholders are only after or happy with one thing, increasing share prices - you can safely bet all of the above go into keeping prices low and profits high.
"The United Nations issued a damning report on the, "illegal exploitation of natural resources and other forms of wealth of the Democratic Republic of the Congo." Guns, Money and Phones. Global Issues.
And these resources are going into all electronics. Now every company will declare they never source any of these raw materials or labour from third world countries. They source their supplies only from reputable manufacturers. And those reputable manufacturers source their raw materials from reputable suppliers who get their materials from many varied sources and they in turn - HEY LOOK OVER THERE! IS THAT A MICROWAVE FOR $45!!!!
To be tarnished by exacerbating the plight of an innocent impoverished third world people would be bad for the image and may cause a backlash that would reduce sales and then reduce profits. So lets not dig too deep - because we love profits and we love $20 bedlinen!
And that's why we're so happy! Because tonight we are sleeping on 500 cotton thread count sheets and they feel so good. And next month, after a couple of washings they'll feel a bit thin. And in 8 months, they'll rip and the stitching will come out and - Oh sorry, there's no guarantee on that item and no return after a month. But it was only $20 - so no harm no foul. Let's just buy another one! Hooray all around! I am happy, the shareholder is happy, even little 15 year old Indira is happy because she was just allowed a pee break - now back to work Indira - or risk your 15 cents an hour!
And somewhere, there are a few who own enough of these companies' shares to accurately lay claim to owning the entire chain of stores. They never stop to think of how their products are directly disadvantaging those who make them. They'll argue Indira and her kind are better off having a job than not. They don't care that the pair of pants you bought are so thin they'll rip if you brush by a sharp corner on a bench or that the microwave is supplied with raw materials raped from an African farmers land. They're only concern is to bring you the best quality at the lowest prices. They want you to be happy.
It's pleasing to hear them say they are trying to give you the best quality. What? Sorry? That's not a singular statement, more a compound phrase? Huh?! Oh.... I see, best quality at the lowest prices is only accurate when spoken together. In other words, ...
So it's not a lie. They really do bring you the very best quality at the very lowest prices. Any higher in price an they'd no longer be able to lay claim to bringing you the best quality at that price. Any lower quality and they couldn't argue they are doing you the best price - because by lowering the quality even slightly you could get the same exact thing for free by scouring a tip, your neighbours bin or the back of a charity shop.
"But they aren't ripping me off. I'm not playing into their hands by blindly accepting what they tell me. I'd never succumb to a shiny new thing at the expense of doing harm to an already impoverished worker."
99% of us do and there's nothing we can do to stop it or change it. We can agitate and make people aware - but the wait to change, equalise and eradicate poverty is like the wait for Godot... so don't give up agitating, especially when directed at the fat cats who can truly do something to change things. But try to enjoy yourself while you're doing it - because we may be here a long time.
And while you're waiting, here's a test to work out whether you are of the new aristocracy or an everyday pleb/serf simply being toyed with to allow the wealthy upper class to continue their lavish lifestyles.
Look around your home, can you find small items, bought because they looked good, you thought you'd use them, they were something that appealed to you on impulse?
Are these things now cluttering up shelves and on display so others will see that shiny new thing you liked in the store so much, even though you haven't used, looked at, thought about it for days/weeks/months?
When you go through a cupboard/storage area, are you reminded of a different times of your life just by the small and varied trinkets/objects/gizmos you re-discover?
Are you sitting on a yacht or on an Island, or would you need to ask the help to answer any of the first three questions?
If you answered yes to any of the first three - grab an oar and keep rowing before you get your ass whipped. If you answered yes to question four - can I have my money back please?
I found this cartoon - thanks to failbook, I had to post and comment on it because it is just so astute.
So true! I have certainly noticed over the past year or so how aggressive Facebook, Gmail, Blogger and many other sites have become at asking for more private information from me "to benefit my experience of their site'.
I don't know about you, but I like Facebook. I can briefly glance at the page and find out what my friends have been up to and lessen my guilt at not calling enough of them to catch up. But why would I want my phone to msg me every time someone wants to make public that they are going out and can't decide whether to go formal or casual. (All they really want is for me know they have been invited to some big do.... knowing this vital information can wait.)
The problem is the explosion of cold calling pollsters has diminished lately because of sites like facebook, amazon, ebay, etc. Every time we do anything on-line the information becomes theirs to sell and make more profit on top of the ads they now run. A friend of mine made a very funny comment about Sarah Palin on Facebook a while back and within a week started getting updates from the Palin camp. There is only one way this can have happened - a program that scours the pages of Facebook to categorize everything written into groups that can be sold off for profit to people who are looking to hit you with ads to buy things or support causes. That's why my phone number and facebook will never meet.
I spent August in Thailand and loved every minute of it. While I was there I got news about being a finalist in the Global E book awards for Inner City.
I went for a holiday between scripts for television shows I'm freelancing for and while there, instead of relaxing 100% of the time, I spotted the Scriptapalooza TV competition and being such a fan of 30ROCK and feeling I'd never get a chance to write for them - I did a spec script for the show as an entry. Pretty simple - think up a story - match it to the characters and make it funny. Of course how do you write as funny as someone like Tina Fey? Almost impossible... Her list of past presidents from Jack Donaghy's mouth are: President Reagan, President Bush, President Intra-Bush, President W Bush. That line still makes me laugh!
The entry was a fun thing to try and when it doesn't place I will stick it up here on this blog for everyone to read.
But Back to Thailand - I promised to put up pictures of my trip. Here they are:
The view from my condo
My new friend - San.
I travelled to Roi-et and Mukdahan on the boarder with Laos. San took me to his parent's farm and on the way I saw miles and miles of rice fields and wandering buffalo.
Photos from one of the many temples. I am sure this one was in Roi-et. I won't go on a rant about religion because each to their own - but sometimes I think religious leaders should also go to business school. Having collection tins and 'relics' for sale at every turn gives away the main objective.
Outside Roi-et. Looks like a twister to me - but we just kept driving towards it. Why not - what's the worst that could happen. Duck - flying monk!
Shame this has no scale to show just how big it was. All the bugs and insects in tropical countries seem larger to me.
Original artwork now hanging on my condo wall. I bought this from a local artist. It had been hanging in his gallery for a long time and I spotted it high on a wall. I paid a deposit and came back to pick it up a few days later. I handed over what I owed and the artist told me to be careful with it because the paint was wet. I asked how and why the paint was wet - because that was weird - and he admitted - on looking at it again so long after finishing it - he simply wasn't satisfied. How great is that?! A true artist! He had to fix what he saw as wrong - even though he'd already made the sale.
A 180 degree view from my condo.
How it began the day I bought it.
Just concrete, bathroom fixtures and a smoke detector.
And all finished.
If I could have my way I'd be out on this balcony with this view writing happily away all year around.
One day - hopefully.
This is something I've had rattling around in my head, probably since the huge bailouts occurred in the US way back in 08. To me it's clear World War 3 is well and truly under way and thankfully for all of us, it's financial and not a physical war of blood and bullets.
The irony is, America, a country that, regardless of what anyone tries to say, has been the world leader for almost a century, exporting 'American' democracy and more importantly, American culture and thinking across almost every country in the world, has almost neutered themselves as a significant force in this economic war because of the obsession to remain the world's strongest physical power.
In short - they spent all their money going to the gym and building themselves up and the other guys studied hard and saved and now have enough money to get a date with anyone they want.
And yet the arguments continue against raising the higher bracket tax rates that are at historical lows (1900-1912 excluded) - a move that would fix so much so quickly.
I understand no-one wants to pay more tax.
But with the uber wealthy coming out and declaring this is needed and what they themselves want - and with others like Gates and Buffet donating more money than anyone in history to the third world or lower socio economic groups - what is going on and who is it that is so tight fisted they aren't willing to fight/fix for the economic health of the country that made them so privileged?
I guess it is easier to send a young man or woman to a foreign country to risk their lives with a gun than it is to prise a dollar from the fist of a wealthy man.
I'm a few posts behind because of my trip overseas. I arrived back home last week and then got struck down by the worst flu I've had in years. I don't know if I caught it off the plane or I brought it back with me. Anyway, on the 17th of August I was emailed that INNER CITY had been judged a finalist in Dan Poytner's Global ebook award.
The winners were announced on the 20th with all finalists invited to USA to attend the awards ceremony. Wow - talk about needing to be in the Amazing Race just to make it there.
This was the first year of the awards so I thought I'd put down my thoughts about the experience I found from entry through to finale.
Firstly let me say I am no writing award virgin. I have a Writer's Guild award for theatre sitting on my shelf, I was nominated for another in TV. I was a finalist in the Southern Cal independant film festival, in the screenplay comp in 2009, Scriptapalooza finalist for a Reality TV concept and an AFI winner as Script Producer for Neighbours way back in the late nineties.
There are a huge number of competitions for writers to enter - all ask for entry frees of between 30 and 75 USD. If you're a writer and want a fast easy and comprehensive way to know when how and which to enter... check out and join 'Withoutabox'
So back to the Global Ebook awards - any award helps a writer - so I hesitate to go negative. I'm sure some readers will come to Inner City as a result of being named a finalist.
But I did have a few concerns so will simply list them...
First, Inner City seemed to be nominated because it was entered. It was certainly listed as nominated before I sent a copy of the book in. I may be doing them a disservice - someone may have gone to the provided link to the book, read it and decided it had merit, but it seemed quick.
Next I noted an email asking for people to act as judges a good time after I had been listed as a nominated entry.
Then my announcement as finalist came 3 days before winners were to be announced at a big ceremony. And finally, promised feedback from judges hasn't eventuated.
So where do I sit about this competition and whether or not it is worthwhile... I would say too early to call. Ebooks are so new that it's a great initiative and may well turn into something really important. I am on the fence because it's a first year and I applaud their effort to get something started. But with anything, prestige comes by high standards. It shouldn't be easy to be nominated, or listed as finalist or to win. Judges need to be in place and respected people in the community - they need to be listed as part of the reason people should enter in the first place - not be wrangled into place at the last minute.
And finally, the campaign of publicity for finalists and most importantly winners should be awesome and ongoing. It is now 10 days after the competition has ended and my inbox should be filling up with notifications of interviews and links that have been made, forged, found and created to help get the winning books out into the Ebook reading community. To date I have had 3 emails - 2 offering to make me trailers for my book at a cut price and one to let me know if I haven't received feedback to date - probably not going to happen.
So should you enter next year - I will again. But if some of these things are not improved as the competition moves into future years, I'd be tempted to give it a miss.
UPDATE*** I've just received 7/9/11 an email from the competition offering a guide to help self promote my book. I'll have a better look at it when I have time - but it looks like some fairly interesting tips towards self promotion and this was also part of what was promised for winner/finalist in the competition. It says it's the first of more - just letting everyone know - they are certainly trying to make the awards more than just a entry fee/scalping exercise so good for them! I'll keep you updated.
