World's Got Religion

Welcome back to World’s Got Religion. If you’ve missed any of tonight’s show, let’s do a quick recap of all the acts trying to win a place in your hearts.

First, we introduce our judges – Simon Cowell, Sharon Osborne and Howard Stern: forthright, funny and fair, as always.

Let’s start with some of the auditions that didn’t go so well, step on up, Hillsborough Baptist Church.

Howard: Really? Have you actually listened to how you sound?

Sharon: I love every one. I think you all know that, but I hated you. With a passion!

Simon: Get off! Go, now. Try something else, other than religion.

Next up – Atheists.

Howard: Stop, stop, stop, thank you. What’s going on? Have they lost your tape or have you forgotten the words?

Atheist: This is the act.

Howard: What? Just sitting there, doing nothing.

Atheist: I don’t have to do nothing. You want me to do something? Because I can do whatever I want.

Howard: Is it building up to a big finish?

Atheist: No.

Howard: Then what’s the point?

Atheist: Yes, now you’re getting it.

Then we had the Amish. Howard and Sharon simply didn’t get it, but Simon, as always, cut to the heart of the problem.

Simon: “How are we to know? You refused to use the microphone. We could sort of hear you, but good luck to any one sitting up the back.”

Next came the Scientologists 

And from our judges.

Howard: “The equipment, the set up, it all looked fantastic – then Meh.”

Sharon: “I liked how it was all… shiny.”

Simon: “Look, guys, it’s pretty clear you’re hearts are in the right place, but faith isn’t science. You really need to go away and rethink the whole thing.”

The Rastafarians didn’t even wait for the judge’s vote. They made it half way through their act before forgetting their words. We think they said something about food and then wandered off stage. When we caught up with them to try and get them back out to finish their audition they asked, “What audition?”

And that left us with the groups who did get our audience on their feet, chanting, clapping, screaming Hallelujah.

First up Judaism; 

Our Judges said: 

Sharon: “Loved it, really, really good and I can tell you’ve put a long, long time into getting that right. Well done. If I had to be super critical – not sure about ‘no bacon’.

Howard: “You had me before you even walked on. This is for me. I honestly tried not be drawn in to what you were doing for a whole bunch of reasons, but in the end, what can I say, Mazel tov.”

Simon: “Yeaaaaah, good. But it’s almost the same act as some of the others we’ve seen. And those acts brought a lot more color and movement; the Pope with his red shoes and pointy hat for instance. It might just be a presentation issue. I don’t know. I guess a lot of people do like the older material. I’m just worried you may be splitting the vote. Still, good job, yo from me.”

And what is our show without some controversy between judges? It all started when Howard said some things that lit up the social media networks. Here’s what happened after the Buddhists finished their act:

Howard: “I know I’m going to get in trouble for this, but the elephant in the room is you; the big half naked guy in the middle. You have a weight problem, Sir.”

Simon: “Oh, come on. What does that matter?”

Howard: “You’d be happy to look at that tummy every day?”

Sharon: “I think it’s a cute tummy.”

Simon: “Looks aren’t what matters. This is about performance, besides everything can change.”

Howard: “And if he changes he’ll alienate the chubby chasers who already like him.”

Simon: “Any weight he loses may improve his performance, change doesn’t mean loss.”

Howard: “I just see a fat man in a caftan.

Simon: “Then I suggest you look a little deeper.”

Sharon: I do like the orange though. I’d keep that.

Fortunately for everyone things quickly settled down as the big acts just kept coming. We had the Muslims and there very charismatic central figure.

 And they found a friend in Sharon.

Sharon: “I loved it, spot on: peace, good will, help the poor. You were the absolute bomb!”

Simon: “Oh Sharon, come on! Think about what you’re saying! For God’s sake, don’t just blurt things out.”

Sharon: “Why? What did I say?”

And before the dust had settled on that little tiff, in came those amazing Hindus.

While the crowd loved the act and Simon and Sharon also seemed to be on board, it was Howard who proved a little harder to convince.

Howard: “I don’t know - it just seemed a little introspective to me, a little held. Maybe try not to internalize so much next time. I did like the positive attitude, the way you were absolutely certain you’d be coming back. That was good and I hope, for your sake, you’re right.”

And finally the Christians got their turn on stage and it was pretty clear from the very first, ‘Father, Son and Holy Ghost’, they were a crowd favorite. 

But isn’t it just like Simon to go against the crowd?

Simon: “You’re obviously influenced by a lot of different groups and that’s not a bad thing. The Jim Morrisey look for your lead is good, sexy; modern. I did feel the very slow three day section towards the end stretched the patience of the audience, but you had a big finish and that was aaallllmost worth the wait.”

So that’s where things currently stand. Will your chosen religion be in the rapturous final five? They will if you spend  enough money on them, so pick up that phone and dial!  

Ricky Gervais is Dialled in on Funny

When I was a kid I fell in love with comedy and bought every record I could find. The Goons and Monty Python, Bill Cosby, Bob Newhart, Lenny Bruce, Not the Nine O'Clock News team, The Goodies, Kenny Everit and so many more.

When records went out of fashion and everyone was virtually throwing them away I found comedy gold in the old BBC format shows - That Was The Week That Was and Golden years of Radio - the list of well known and obscure comedy was endless. I discovered Shelley Berman extending Bob Newhart's phone calls and Mort Sahl melding politics and humour the way John Stewart and others do today.

A lot of people over a long time have made me laugh and I've enjoyed the evolution of comedy and the genres of comedy that continually get renewed, reborn and reinvented.

The politically correct revolution of comedy came along in the eighties when I was at university with what was called the new age comedy, but was really just comedy with a conscience and an underlying comment or point. From politics to war, from superpowers to household relationships - everything could be commented on in comedy without ever resorting to the old racial or social stereotypes that picked on types like the big kid picks on the smaller kids in a playground. Comedy is capable of doing so much if used well.

But in the past decade a transition has swept through comedy that I'm still trying to reconcile - the second hand politically incorrect humour. The Archie Bunker affect - where a character that is being held up for examination as undesirable gets to say, do and act in a way that no-one in the real world would tolerate.

It's the grandparent phenomenon that causes us all to hide our heads and change the subject when Grandma or Grandpa declares the shopping centre is starting to resemble downtown Vietnam.

Barry Humphries' Dame Edna has been doing it for years, along with Les Patterson. Little Britain and Catherine Tait have had great success with it more recently, as have others - but then came Ricky.

I don't know why Ricky Gervais makes me laugh so much and so hard - it may be as simple as he shares my sense of humour - but I doubt it. It's far more likely thousands, or by now more like hundreds of thousands if not millions feel the same way and we can't all find the exact same things funny.

I think it's more likely Ricky Gervais just has a great sense of what most of the world finds funny and is an extremely good editor of ideas. My guess is he is a story generator creative type - with a constant flow of ideas - and then he ruthlessly discards the ones he decides don't appeal to a wide enough demographic - and his genius is most likely in that selection. The comedy is unquestionably good - but avoiding the flops is what makes someone a star.

There's no question he likes to shock and he certainly pushes the boundaries with his humour as he hides within loveable losers and insults all and sundry. David Brent was a favourite until Andy Millman came along and left Brent as a shadow when he delivered the brilliant celebrity speech in the Xmas special from extras.

Gervais then stepped up to do live standup - something he'd never done before and to many of his fellow comedians credit, when they were interviewed about Ricky, they own up to wanting him to fail miserably at standup. They assumed it would bring him undone. Standup's hard - I've tried it. I was forced to get up and learn how to deliver a routine because few comics are willing to do someone else's material. Working out a set and getting up and doing it proves far harder than anyone could imagine - especially in front of drunk foreign backpackers. God help you if the room is full of Germans.

Ricky not only succeeded, he blew the doors off with the fastest ever sell out tour - I can't remember how fast it sold out - ask Ricky - he's told people often enough.

Flannimals bolted out the door. Ghost Town may not have hit big but it was successful and more importantly  enjoyable. The only wobble on the track was The Invention of Lying - a brilliant premis that didn't quite come together - but still an enjoyable film with great moments and a thoroughly original idea. But writing a screenplay that not only works structurally but attracts a big enough audience away from the rest of life for 2 hours and $30 from their pocket - is a big ask. The Invention of Lying did this well enough and if not for characters not sharing the same weird loveable loser qualities that make his other character 'inventions' so likeable, it may have fared better.

But it is the podcasts that went on to become the animated 'Ricky Gervais' show that worried me most. I couldn't help feeling Ricky with Steven Merchant's help, was picking on Karl. I Googled forums and found a lot of people shared my concern. I watched an idiot abroad and, even though I laughed, the same thought niggled at me as Karl was kidnapped in the Middle East and bundled into the back of a van under hood and bound hands. It felt mean spirited.

Then I watched the new podcast - Learning English.

Ricky, sits with Karl and helps non English speakers learn English. Bless him. We've seen these shows around the world and on our government channels for decades. The way the presenters talk to you like you're two years old - with that patronising teacher's voice and they always choose the most ridiculous phrases.

"The LADDER is leaning AGAINST the wall" - "The LADDER. AGAINST"

If you've ever felt Ricky and Steve pick on Karl then watch this quickly. It suddenly becomes all too clear. In everything else, Karl's true self has been carefully guarded and let out in small manageable quantities. I debated with people whether he was being serious or if he was, like Gervais, some new comic genius who could turn anything into - not just funny, but incredibly biting, shocking and provocative all at once.

Ricky's Anne Frank bit is a classic example. "No second book - Lazy." But Karl reducing the holocaust and the underlying theme from Sophie's Choice to a comparison with Deal or No Deal tops it. It's comedy gold. The moment those two things are brought together - you instantly laugh and feel the person who thought of it should be locked up. That's great comedy - so funny you have to laugh and so shocking you do a nasal spit take - the highest compliment in all of comedy. Karl delivers these moments more than anyone currently working in entertainment. The hysteria is because he doesn't mean to and doesn't seem to understand why what he's said is funny.

In Learning English with Ricky Gervais - Karl's personality is the joke. Sure Ricky niggles and purposely steers Karl to where he knows he'll get a rise - but what comes across is that Karl is an 85 year old curmudgeony man, locked in a middle aged man's body. This is not an act - when Ricky pretends to be a foreigner coming into Karl's fish shop to buy a fish - Karl is genuinely annoyed to be interrupted to serve the customer. It doesn't make sense, as Ricky laments - "This is a fiction, Karl." Karl doesn't care - in his mind he was reading the paper and now he's been interrupted by Ricky's imaginary customer. That mismatch within Karl's head about what is real and what is a fiction is madly funny.

"What's a kipper?" Ricky asks.
"It's a fish!" Karl spits back with a look that indicates he's annoyed to be dealing with an idiot.

Ricky could steer the session anywhere and Karl would react equally insanely to whatever scenario was proposed. Has he forgotten the purpose - to teach English? It seems far from forgetting he's simply failed to grasp the concept at all from the very beginning.

"Chinese would know about fish," he says, shutting down yet another effort from Ricky.

If you've seen the Liam Neeson improv comedy interview within 'Life's Too Short' then Liam's continual shutting down of the improvised setups is similar to Karl in this. Liam's bit was well thought out, clearly worked with a knowledge of improvisation and how to derail it at every opportunity.

Look at the Neeson out takes and you'll see just how well crafted and hard to pull off the whole thing was.

Karl tops it. Neeson was using all his mastered skill to portray an annoying prat as he failed miserably to grasp the basic elements of improv, but to Karl it comes like running water from a spring.

It didn't need Ricky to push Karl's buttons by setting him as a hair waxing salon employee to wax Ricky's back, sack and crack - but Karl's inability to work in a fiction or his long running refusal to accept the fundamental aspects of the human condition we all share, instantly causes more problems for him. His mind, unable to separate an imagined scenario from filling out tax forms and actually enduring every minute detail of such a job, clash and produce real pain on his face. He suffers real embarrassment, frustration and annoyance at having to perform an imaginary job, in an imaginary salon on an imaginary Ricky who is never contemplating letting Karl anywhere near him with wax.

It's painfully funny and I finally get why Karl is the world's best straight man. He's genuinely an idiot. A loveable, good natured, inoffensive idiot - but a huge idiot all the same. His only real concern in the world seems to be to go unbothered by the other 7 billion of us. He's happiest 'pottering' around his home with a cupboard full of snacks, but his opinions are as real as they are funny.

It's as if Ricky has found a universal Grandpa and is finally asking him all the things the rest of the world's family have been too embarrassed to ask all these years because of the fear about what might come from his mouth. Ricky has no such fear.

Karl's xenophobic, sexist, and antiquated views are straight out of a few generations ago. He is less informed, less understanding of society and its differences and less willing to ever change than a statue. There's no denying Grandpa is funny - provided he's not our grandpa.

Learning English with Ricky Gervaise is the new Podcast offering and more than the pilot can be found on Itunes.

It is comedy at the nasal spit take level - high praise indeed!