Compliments don't make Racism go away!

I'm coming to understand my own views about what racism is. What prejudice is, what bigotry of all kinds is. We are moving towards a better understanding of each other, but we are doing it slowly, like the relentless creep of a glacier. You only need to take a look at the decades and the views held to know this is true. The TV show Mad Men is not just great drama, it’s a chance to look with horror at who we were only a short time ago.

My Grandfather's generation is racist. His parents and school taught him people of dark skin were inferior to white skinned people. He was taught to fear the 'yellow peril' of Asian nations as the Japanese threatened to invade and inflict atrocities on the men and women they captured as prisoners of war.

It's not good enough to dismiss and excuse this generation because they're from a different age. But we do. We laugh off the incredibly offensive comments because Granddad has become inoffensive as dementia makes him more and more obsolete to any intelligent debate.

But should we allow it to slide without comment?

There is great acceptance and humour to be had in second hand bigotry. Ricky Gervaise, Chris Lilly, Little Britain and many others have discovered the freedom a character gives to get politically incorrect laughs out of material that, owned directly, would damn their career.

A woman who throws up because a person of a foreign country has baked the cookie she’s just eaten is so shocking it’s funny. The comedian is not saying foreigners are so disgusting they can't bear to risk eating something they’ve touched – they’re saying the humour is in a women existing who is so bigoted she has this reaction.

Ricky Gervaise would never knee a dwarf in the face. But the character he plays would. In fact, Ricky is smart enough to remove himself twice from the insult. First the character he plays, in whatever incarnation, is the one doing the offensive thing. Second, that character didn’t mean to do it. It's all a misunderstanding that's come about through a series of unfortunate events. And people howl with laughter. In Ricky's case they laugh three times: once because the character mistakenly gets labeled as insensitive. (How embarrassing for them!) Secondly, because of what the character does in the moment, (He lifted his knee to protect himself and accidently kneed the dwarf in the face – that’s awkward!). Third, because an outrageous social misdemeanor has been perpetrated - (A dwarf got kneed in the face). So now twice removed from something socially offensive, even the people who find dwarf abuse funny get to laugh with Ricky. Same goes for racism, homophobia, handicapped issues, sexism and all the other group injustices out there. It’s a loophole that gives us license to laugh.

For a long time I’ve been trying to work out where I stand on this incredibly complicated issue. It is complicated. Political correctness made it complicated. There are still people who are bigoted and don’t care. We also have bigots who are ignorant of the fact they are bigots and others who dismiss complaints as being overly sensitive.

As a gay man I have faced condemnation from family, friends and strangers. I’ve listened to kids and adults alike allow ‘so gay’ to become part of the lexicon. A phrase that means something isn’t enviable, isn’t masculine, isn’t the sort of thing a ‘self respecting’ person would want to be seen doing/wearing/saying. And if you raise the issue and declare you’re not happy about it being used, you get dismissed because, Gay is not being used in the same way that it refers to people - silly!

The same argument was used and shown to be ill informed with words like Jewish and others. Because words have power and they do inform and guide our social thinking and agendas.

And no, none of these issues are alike, nor do I compare them. Being of a race, or having a disability, or being a male or a female, being gay or straight – none of these things are like the other. They get grouped together and argued for or against in the same breath simply because they are subsets of our whole. We all fit into groups within our larger group and we all suffer positive or negative discrimination because of these groupings. Whatever religion you are, places you in a group – and even being atheist puts you into one of those groups – you cannot escape being grouped even if your group is defined as ‘others’ – you’re still in a column.

Every one of these groups can and does attract behaviour that is inclusive of and restrictive of opportunities being offered by a bigoted world. There are times in your life where you will have been judged, for good or bad, because you’re part of a group and that group is seen to share traits. These commonly perceived behaviour patterns will be transferred onto you.

You are Christian? Therefore you think and behave in a certain way. It’s so simple and it makes so much sense. It’s the perfect system for our simple Disneyesque black and white world.

Why is bigotry of any kind such a complicated and decisive issue and why is it so hard for us to come to terms with and understand?

I ask these questions because I keep hearing good intentioned people being interviewed and trying to make positive statements that end up far worse than saying nothing at all.

It often happens with leaders who get asked difficult questions about a ‘socially sensitive’ minority within a society that is often denigrated or causes social friction to the majority by their very existence. The socially conscious leader of the community tries to use the opportunity to make a positive contribution.

How many times have you winced when someone began by assuring you some of their best friends were of a particular kind? Or they’ve gone so far as to declare that they aren’t prejudice against a group… but…

Racism, sexism, denial of human rights against any group is illegal. It’s wrong. It’s antiquated and will slowly become something belonging to past generations.

But we have to stop grouping people as if that group makes a significant comment towards its members in any way before that can happen.

Australian Aboriginals can be proud of their incredible abilities and contribution across many sporting fields in Australia. This is said so often it has become law in this country. Few ever consider that it’s a key to how a person thinks. It’s racist. It’s not true. It’s a grouping that needs to stop. Australian aboriginals can be proud of individuals who have brought pride to our country through sporting achievement.   

Those people, like any other, reached the top because of their own individual abilities and hard work.

Asians aren’t smart because they’re Asians – the Asian’s who are smart got that way by working damn hard. Australian Aboriginals are not gifted because of some magical gene that gives them a sporting talent above others – they are gifted because as individuals they had a talent and then worked hard to make the most of that talent. There are just as many dumb Asians and un-athletic Aboriginals as there are those who are gifted.

The reason those who try to make a positive comment towards the debate of race, or acceptance towards a group of any kind, fail is because they keep using the group.

We’re individuals. We all fit into many subsets within a larger group that makes up our communities, our cities, our countries and our world. Within those groups are individuals who are incredible role models, who are leaders, who are great men and women to be admired and to aspire to. There are just as many who are law breakers, lazy, lowlife good for nothings who serve as a warning against taking the easy or disreputable path in life. But these people too are individuals. They didn’t end up where they are because they are part of a subset of society. They ended where they ended through opportunity and individual choice.

Prejudice and injustice towards people comes from treating people as their neighbour. We are all individuals and two identical people, with like backgrounds, experience and opportunities can and do end up at different ends of the social spectrum regarding success and failure. How do you place their group? Is the group lazy or hard working, smart or dumb, honest or lawless? Because those two people, at opposite ends of the social spectrum, come from the exact same group. And this example occurs in every group, across every walk of life.

As long as we insist on trying to find connections and similarities in each other based on arbitrary factors, we will have bigotry, racism, prejudice and injustice. It doesn’t matter how good someone’s intentions are or how positive a compliment is being made – if it’s being made to a group because of the actions of an individual or a few from within that group, it represents a prejudicial remark against the whole. The speaker believes all people of that subset share like attributes.

That’s where the complication and difficulty comes from in the politically correct debate. That’s where the humour comes from in comic sketches using characters who take this notion to the extreme. But it’s also what we have to come to terms with if we are going to break the cycle.

Nothing should be assumed of anyone until they are met and understood as an individual. Once that is done I have no problem with them being labeled stupid, lazy or dishonest, to be lauded as hard working, inspirational or a genius intellect. But wait until you have the facts on a person first hand. You still may be wrong about them, some people don’t make a great first impression, others talk a great game but can’t play at all, but for the most part, there’s a greater chance you’ll know them better given you’ve considered them first hand.

Credit for actions, good or bad goes to the individual. Any other view makes a person ignorant of what prejudice is. 

Corporations are People - Sociopathic People.

Corporations are immoral. They have no conscience or consideration of right and wrong of or for the individual. They only care about their financial bottom line and growth and because of this they only care about the masses.

The masses can alter their fate, an individual is powerless.

One vote, one customer, one injured party in a sea of millions doesn't warrant a sideways glance. No-one fears a snowflake, only the avalanche gets attention.

The masses are not ten, not one hundred; not even one thousand. 

A thousand like grievances joined together as one will be noticed and hushed, but not for their complaint. They will be dealt with and hidden as quickly and as inexpensively as possible because they are the first carcinogenic cell that could multiply to threaten the corporate life.

Alone an individual is a single voice shouting into a canyon. It takes a chorus of tens of thousands, or a sympathetic media to amplify that song of complaint so it is loud enough to be heard.

The media commands public opinion, it informs and guides, like a brain with the body of a billion thoughtless cells that follow and submit to suggestions and thoughts formed and sent from above.

Thank God for the new social medias of Twitter and Facebook because the old media platforms have become themselves corporately corrupted and molded by financial objectives. This old media has lobotomized itself in a quest to offend no-one and gain ratings at any cost.

How sad that for so long we abstained from personal responsibility and allowed the corporate voice of network manipulation and greed to guide us down a path that is paved with gold only for them.

How sad that an industry that had the power to do so much good has slunk to its belly and settled on making arbitrary decisions born from the pen of accountants, rather than forging a brave new world in a forward backward path that the artist should have led.

How sad that we allowed them to become so powerful before we took a stand.

But it is not simply the old media that has caught this corporate tunnel vision of purpose. Ring any multinational company and press their automated buttons spruiked by their recorded voice menu. Time the difference it takes to get a response to a request for anything compared to the time it takes that same company to respond to a call to pay money or give them new business.

Corporations are people. But they have been poorly raised and are now spoilt children who only know how to take graciously. When it comes time to give they can only throw tantrums and elicit an age old immature doctrine: if can’t get what I want, no-one will.

Despite social media’s desperate attempt to allow a single voice to be heard, that single voice is only sounding a final shuddering death rattle. The individual is dead. A single person no longer matters to the one percent.

We are in the age of spin and insincerity. We are in an age where only the fewest of the few are, in the long run, treated fairly by large corporations. As customers we are bled and fed just enough to keep our blood flowing into their wealthy coffers. As workers we are pushed and stressed and cruelly convinced loyalty and long service is valued and rewarded. There is nothing worse than seeing the crushed spirit of a worker who discovers their life’s work and effort has been rewarded with a pink slip that ends a career without even a name behind the decision.

It’s easy to steer a ship in calm weather. But the narrow minded and selfish spirit of these new ‘people’ never learn that in calm weather it’s important to bond a crew who have the skills, courage and loyalty to save the ship when the next storm blows from the far horizon.

Corporations are now legally people of the United States of America according to that country’s Supreme Court. But until those newly born corporate souls grow up and gain the maturity that allows them to think and feel like a person, with choices swayed and prayed for with a conscience and an empathetic soul, they will continue to be the modern scourge and we should all beware.

There could be no poorer teachers for future generations than the corporate giants that have been brought up to scream for everything and are prepared to give nothing back unless there’s a bigger upside in doing so.

Multinationals may be people, but they are at best sociopaths who should be evaluated, diagnosed and treated for their personality disorders quickly before they deliver a final fatal blow and we all suffer at their hands.

Greed - The Enemy of Poverty

Greed is taught.

There is the problem and downfall of man and our attempts at civilisation. Look at it, analyse it, debate it and as much as we'd love it not to be true - it is. It's in us all as part of human nature and the reason we are not yet succeeding to live together with any sort of harmony.

We're all born with an element of greed. It's an instinctual need to get the necessities of life: food and warmth. These things we fight for instinctively. There's no shame in a basic human want to survive. But as children, once we have a full belly, we rest. Once we find warmth we sleep. It takes time to learn that a year comes with seasons and if we don't squirrel away food in spring we'll go hungry in winter. If we don't build a house that shields from harsh winter storms before they hit, we'll never see the winter break. So we start to do these things because we have a brain large enough to work out our needs in advance. And the animals around us have brains similarly able to work this out as well.

But man's brain is bigger. It reacts not just to instinct and ways to solve a seasonal shortfall, but also to opportunity. It sees machinations many moves ahead and can adapt and prepare for these as well. 

 

"If I squirrel away resources, above the level I need, I can sell them to those who run short when the resources are in demand." 

"If I could squirrel away all the resources then others would have no choice but to buy from me at whatever price I set."

I have no real problem with this. It's a conservative view I admit. It's not pretty, but you can't set up the game and then cry foul because some learn to play it too well. Well done to the smart, industrious souls who worked out how to rape spring to put away all it had to offer and sell back to others in winter.

The problems begin when you bring in the exceptions. For a man who works hard and gains an oversupply for himself should be able to benefit from the resale to others when those resources are needed and in demand. But what if they're needed by a family who fell sick in spring. A father who lost his wife in labour and then spent his spring caring for a sick infant. And what if that man and his young child are neighbours. Now we have an exception. Of course he should be given a free handout from the oversupply. How could anyone be so heartless not to be charitable in this situation?

What about the nineteen year old who spent his summer drunk and partying, he, of course, gets turned away. Because he has long hair and is a vegetarian - need I say more? So now, in simplest terms we have a government. A group of the powerful with the means, who decide who gets help and who does not, based on any number of flexible, moveable agendas. (Although vegetarianism should always be pretty much a deal breaker)

And the exceptions get more complicated. And those with the oversupply get more obstinate. They want and are happy to give money to the needy, but they want it to be their choice who those needs are and what criteria 'needy' is judged on. 

In the US more is given to Charity by the wealthy than at any time in history and yet tax rates are at historical lows and any talk of increasing them meets with extraordinary opposition. There's no dispute we need to contribute money to fix our global problems, that's clear from the charitable donations. But it's also clear there is no faith in the decisions makers to be trusted to do the right thing with money raise. So the wealthy would rather donate and decide themselves than allow a democratically elected government make those decisions for them. Are we head back towards an elite monarchical state that is governed not by birthright but by bank balance?  

There comes a time when people are faced with a genuine choice about how to right this global ship we're all afloat in. There is a distinction between a genuine and non genuine choice - for instance, to liberate Iraq was a non genuine choice. There was and is a huge economic advantage to invading this country so rich in oil. Had we definitive proof of weapons of mass destruction being used - the choice would have become genuine. But a hunch, from a source that's sort of usually accurate isn't enough to overcome the cynicism of world who knows how much an invading country would reap from the invasion.

A genuine choice is more like the one made to ignore the plight of the decades long civil wars in Africa where genocide was and is still being carried out.

Eventually, in a world that can never give itself to deliver justice, injustice is done. It may simply be to allow one young person to go underfed. This can be followed through to any degree, one person underfed becomes a hungry childhood where a brother or sister died through illness exacerbated by malnutrition. Suddenly the childhood grumble has become a bitter hatred. Force that young person to walk past a gilded department store every day and stare through grand windows at food overflowing the shelves - and I guarantee you are sowing the seeds for a personal revolution. It may not be in every child that becomes an adult, in fact it's likely many will be beaten down and lack any real driving force from the fight just to survive, but some will vow to walk into that shop as an equal, a few will vow to own the store and eventually one, so numbed by learnt lessons to the falseness of giving importance to moral right or wrong - will form their own empire and rule it to make wealth beyond the needs of millions and still call it their own.

Greed is learnt. It is taught. It is a lesson that applied in moderation allows young people to find a will and a spirit to achieve great things. But shown without its politically correct, presentable attire, teaches the falseness of moral karma, the apathy to empathy and the falseness of a good deed being repaid a thousand times.

So what is the answer? We could make sure we only teach the 'right' amount of greed. But then we arrive back at our rules and exceptions. Who decides who gets what and how much? Because this will in turn allow the lessons and scope of those lessons learnt. And will we truly blanket our decision without an eye to benefit for sacrifice. Will we feed Africa without a return? Will we be neutral with the rich middle east when opportunity to exploit arrives? 

It does seem, as much as everyone tries to deny it, the world is like a human body. And every organ needs to be healthy to allow the whole to survive and thrive. At the moment the organs that deliver joy are getting all the attention - has it ever been different? Show me one person on a death bed ever rejoicing because the 'glamour' organs are all still intact.

There are protestors now in cities around the world calling for change, to stop the flow of power and wealth from pooling in ever more increasing percentages at the very top of society. It's a mighty quest. And it can work if we understand that change comes so slowly it can't be seen. The protests do nothing but change the view by a degree of those watching on. So they don't even notice they have changed in thinking by a degree and the next big push will see another degree given. 

Eventually the degrees will have us facing the right direction where we don't regard a financial institution as being too big to fail. An institution that pushes paper money from one account to another at ever increasing price; an institution that fluffs a dollar until it can be trimmed to line a pocket; an institution that contributes not one ounce of product to a standard of living anywhere in the world - this is currently the institution we as a race, decided by those we elect, consider too big to fail. A nation of African's, of real people, men, women and children with bloated stomachs and gaunt faces that look to cameras with incredulous eyes wondering who it is that could possibly want to look at them die from the luxury of a lounge room or a dentist's waiting room - that is not yet an institution we as a race consider worthy of a bailout. And let's remind ourselves the financial bailouts of the past years could have fed the world in real goods many times over. The war fought in Iraq could have done the same. But we remain stoutly adhered to the lessons we have all learnt so well and for now, we stay well fed.

  

Greed is taught. And it's a lesson that history shows us leads to devastating results.

My girlfriend was a lady boy!

I've decided to record my stand-up routines on this blog. The following has been performed a number of times in various forms. This is based on those routines, although altered fairly significantly because stand-up's advantage is the unexpected flow created with an audience's reaction.

For those wondering why I'm suddenly straight when I do stand-up - I'm not, I do have a number of routines that I'll get to in time that deal specifically with being a 'straight' acting gay man. Interestingly these routines are always difficult as stand-up because most men in the audience find it confronting to have a gay man comment on how confusing the signals are that straight men give off these days about sexuality - the 'metrosexual' generation. I've been told many times when I do stand-up that if I suddenly drop the 'oh by the way, I'm gay' line half way through, the audience get so thrown expecting it to be a joke set-up, that they stop listening to what I'm saying. So often, like with this routine, it's simply easier to pose as a straight man and let the chips fall where they may.

Enjoy!

I recently turned 42 and suddenly realised -
"Oh, my God, I've forgotten to have a mid-life crisis."
So I immediately made plans to rectify this situation, because every-one knows that a life's not complete without a crisis midway.

I made a list.

First thing I'd need to do is quit my job. But then I remembered I work as a writer for television and therefore lose my job on a regular basis. At the time I was working on a show called The Bounce, an Australian football show mixing sketch style comedy and sports interviews. The network showed a great deal of faith in the show and held off cancelling it until after the fifth episode.

Job - check.

Next I'd need to make some changes to my life that were completely age inappropriate. I had no idea sports cars were so expensive. I tried sagging my pants, but when your stomach is bigger than your ass, sagging isn't sagging. Once those bad boys drop below the central meridian they're headed all the way to the floor. I did the next best thing. I jumped online and started dating a Thai Go-Go dancer. Awesome! None of the mid-life crises I'd ever heard of included that sort of stupidity. I was off to a great start!

In her photos and through her poorly connected Skype, I could see her long blonde hair, her long legs and glitter in the most extraordinary places. Perfect. Now all I had to do was get her to Australia to assure everyone I was deep in the midst of one almighty mid-life crisis. I was sure my rendering of this classic phase would become the stuff of legends. In years to come, men would discuss it alongside great sporting and drinking achievments of the past. ESPN may even make a documentary about it.

My friends had all gone down the more mundane tracks, buying flashy cars, traded wives in for beauty queens who only remained attractive as long as they didn't speak. I read of a man who took up base jumping and died, but he turned out to be a former lawyer so no-one really dwelled. (There is an interesting issue here: does killing yourself recklessly during a mid-life crisis negate the mid-life crisis and turn it into more of a final last stand. Can the label of a mid-life crisis be correctly applied if the person in question turns out to be at the very end of their life?)

So I paid for a visa and ticket for my dancer to come to visit. I chose Christmas, feeling the arrival of a glitter covered, dyed blonde Thai dancer at the family Christmas dinner would have maximum affect. I should point out here my parents are conservative. My father is a retired surgeon and from a different generation. He remembers a time when his generation led simpler, cleaner, healthier lives. He chooses to forget they also hit women if they annoyed them, reduced whole races to insensitive stereotypes and refused to give Aboriginals the right to vote. Ah, the world was so much simpler then and I felt my dancer at a family Christmas dinner would be a cathartic release against all the things any middle class child holds against their parents for an unhealthy length of time .

I went to the airport to pick up my lovely and stood waiting for what seemed like hours. I received a call from customs to ask if I was serious? I was and they agreed to let her through. In Australia we don't like letting in foreigners who don't look like the Australians who first arrived as convicts and then set about committing genocide. We have very high standards when it comes to the neighbours we're prepared to live next to.

The doors opened and .... dressed in sagging jeans and a tight flat top where her breasts had been, stood a young twenty-one year old Thai boy.
"Mr Scott, I think maybe I forget to tell you everything."
My gorgeous glitter covered Go-Go girl was a boy. I was stunned for a moment, then figured... he is pretty cute and I'm in a bit of a drought. Besides the idea of arriving home with this exotic man on my arm thrilled me. The havoc I could deliver in one single sitting would be truly spectacular!

Now the only other thing you need to know about this story is that my older sister has recently undergone her own midlife crisis and converted to strict orthodox Judaism. She's a lawyer, so no really big changes - won't work on Saturday etc. But this was to be the first Christmas she had agreed to attend since the infamous three year conversion boycott. I believe she wasn't able to attend during those years because she was busy reading texts and precedents to find a valid angle to clear her people of hanging the first recognised Christmas decoration, but I can't be sure.The facts you need to know are that she agreed to come to the family's traditional Christmas dinner after some years away. She did have some stipulations: she'd arrive only after presents had been given and received - because she no longer recognised Christmas as a time to celebrate and she didn't want anyone mentioning ... he who shall not be named.

So that's the stage set. My sister arrived before me. I arrived with my arm around my boy, who stood five foot six or five foot eleven if you counted his gelled hair. His eye-liner and see through string top showed off his many tattoos and his purse went perfectly with his effeminate ways

My father answered the door, took one look at my 'date' and screamed, Jesus H Christ!

At that point my sister took up an extremist position, because she exploded.

Rudd and Gillard - the Jan and Marcia of Australian politics

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Kevin has the glasses, the blonde hair and the same cold dead eyes seeking revenge that haunted the Brady house for so many years.

Once upon a time this Jan in Kevin's clothing was seen as a breath of fresh air. He seemed decent, inoffensive, even passably life like. Then we discovered he was one of those with more than a passing hint of autism alongside above average intelligence that go together like the squares of a Rubik's cube in the hands of a master - which of course Kevin would be. Finished!

If this half gene from an albino man walked into your office to answer a call to fix the computer network, you wouldn't think twice. You'd forgive the socially offensive observation he makes when he greets you with such disconnect, that you assume he's inadvertently labelled you fat by misspeaking. He didn't - you are fat, but he thought he was making charming small talk and has no idea he's plunged you into two weeks of depression.

When Kevin was Jan dressed up as Marcia he sat in his room and gave orders to his sisters to compile reports and form commissions to provide estimates and projections on all things, regardless of whether they could be calculated or not. The reports and commissions protected him from making any real decisions and when he finally had to act it revealed this was Jan and not Marcia at the helm.

Granted, Marcia turned out to be a spectacularly angular bogan, but once she had control of the girl's room, Jan was cast back to the middle bed and told to tow the line. And there this blondilocked not-by-choice virgin sits and plots. One day soon he will have the opportunity he's waited for to deliver a Carrie like humiliating blow to the woman he feels the need to outshine. But will anyone notice the blood red delivered to an already rudely ginger head?

If you understand there is no situation in life that can't be related back to a particular episode of the Brady Bunch, then you'll know there is always the wise counsel of Carol, Mike or in times of desperation, Alice to rely on. The advice this time is that middle child Kevin is destined to live out his days in the middle bed silently cursing into his sheets those words almost as famous as the whole of Macbeth - Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Marcia of course is destined to be the most popular girl in the school. Remembering our Marcia is an Australian, ginger bogan - the corresponding level of popularity places her passed out on some unbelievably cool guy's lounge-room floor with her skirt up, alcopop in hand and a penis drawn on her cheek. When our Julia gets to be the centre of attention she makes so many people happy and deserves her well earned nickname as the lucky count - ry.

She is our Marcia and Jan should come to terms with that. The honest truth is, Australian's would rather have an angular, ginger, bogan as the sister in charge than some socially awkward, albino, number crunching middle child.

Gay Marriage

This was originally written as song lyrics for my Brother's show, but he worried the audience may rise as one and hate it. He feared they may misconstrue it as a genuine Anti-Gay marriage protest song. I think it's pretty clear what's being said, but you be the judge. (His show played at Chapel on Chapel in Melbourne and then at the Edinburgh Festival to rave reviews btw. The show was called 'So Inappropriate' - so it would have been perfect!)

GAY MARRIAGE

The sanctity of marriage is the new topic de jour

Anyone can do it, doesn’t matter, rich or poor

It’s a sacred oath to God that shouldn’t be ignored

Unlike other oaths to God that make us kind of bored.

But don’t let those gay folk reach the altar

They wouldn’t know their fingers from their ring

They’d decorate the church in gaudy colours

And they’d all be booking Elton John to sing!

Marriage is a union, till death tears you apart,

Unless you’re young, you rushed a bit or needed a green card

The ring, the dress, the spot-lit vows, it’s all that we adore,

And I should know, the records show, I’ve done it twice before!

But don’t let those gay types reach the alter

It’s reserved for those who understand the vows

The church is not a toy, like a priest’s young altar boy,

It’s entirely there to join the Herr and Fraus.  

(Repeat)

You can read all my published poems at Outrageous Rhymes or my other published works at Smashwords.

Also - if you're a composer and feel like finally giving these lyrics a tune - Go for it! I'm sure there's a group who would love it in a revue somewhere. 

God is Gay

Because I like to stir the pot - I thought I'd post some of my poems individually - especially the ones that will offend! I just can't help myself. If you're inclined you can read the whole volume of Outrageous Rhymes along with my other published work for free HERE.

GOD IS GAY

God’s older than time, that’s not just a line, 

Even Gaydar would list him above 39.

He’s certainly single, no wife on the shingleNo fiancée, or girl, no regular twirl.

And a lot has been penned about God and his friends,

But never a line of a girlfriend spoken

In his house the male form goes unbroken

So he’s up their alone, in a home he calls heaven,

Avoiding suspicion with Romans 1:27

But he’s not all alone as he works on our fates

There’s talk of his friend, attending the gates.

Peter his ‘flat mate’ who works the front yard.

Toiling all day, his abs cut rock hard.

And the bible tells more, about others before,

One of them Gabriel who God once adored.

Cast out of heaven in a terrible fight

God took off his wings denying him flight.

And unlike straight couples who argue for debts,

A gay separation is about wardrobe and pets

So Gabriel’s wings, the metaphor clear,

The wings were designer, the season last year.

And why should we argue or take any bets,

When Noah’s quite famous for taking the pets.