I recently turned fifty and I have absolutely no idea where the clitoris is. I blame ISIS. They make me afraid to try new things, to explore new places, to travel outside my comfort zone. People say to me, if you adopt that attitude then you’re letting the terrorists win. I’ve considered that argument, but I’m quite comfortable letting the terrorists have this one.
I’ve seen quite a lot of footage of the areas they're fighting for. I’m not sure letting them win is actually letting them have that much. My only concern is for the huge numbers of innocent people caught up in this ideological insanity.
Donald Trump thinks we should build a wall. This seems to be his thing, wall building – but in the land of Isis, Isil, Daesh and Al Qaeda, The Donald seems to think a wall like enclosure would create an Ultimate Fighter super death match where Assad and all the terrorist acronyms can go at each other and then the good guys can storm in and scrape up whatever is left that has value.
I guess we'd place Vladimir Putin up back, in goal - I’m sure he has an old red shirt lying around somewhere. He’d be responsible for anyone trying to scoot out the back and make a run for it. That would be Vlad’s territory, his to make sure no-one makes it out alive.
We, that is the good guys, the countries that consider life sacred, democracy crucial and human rights an imperative – when it suits us, we will form a wall around the front and stop anyone getting out the front door. If they do, then we’ll grab them, throw them in a boat and drag that boat over the sands and tip them back inside the border they came from. That’s the established way of dealing with refugees.